Part 37: Snow Chronicle 8: Armored Core

Snow Chronicle 8: Armored Core


Music: Hidden



Yep... Looking at all the percentages here, the Locations one is definitely the best indicator of how much we are through the game. Especially since like 15% of that is entirely optional end game areas. Anyway, another chapter is over. Let’s do a round-up of all the updated Snow Chronicles logs, as per tradition.





The solitary new character we encountered this chapter is Sayagi, the latest in an increasingly long line of failed sacrifices. Lady, I know you’re old but stand up straight. That posture cannot be good for your back.





I’m glad we’re learning of the familial structure of the proud Waloompa species in these Snow Chronicle sessions. Very rich lore.



This dude owns. Can we just get a sapient version of him to fill our newly opened party slots? Give him Aeterna’s Walrus Dagger and we’re set!



Fiery Puff-Puff love to make puff-puff. And destroy their partners in an orgy of self-destructive violence. Weird this species is so prevalent across the land.



...These bears birth bees? And that shit on its stomach and hands are bee hives? Welp. Everything about that is horrific. I’m just gonna have to swap Kir into the party to kill these things with fire next time we run across ‘em. Sheesh!



That squirrel is sporting some Wakka hair and thus I hate it.



I mean... it was just flailing its arms really fast. But sure, the Aurorean Tiger was attacking so fast it manipulated TIME ITSELF! Let’s go with that.





Ah, the fabled Wazamono Steel. A work of art far greater than any crude, clumsy western swords. Truly, there is no greater... until we reach the next merchant spawn point or treasure chest.



Setsuna would later find this was a mass produced chakram made in a Philippines sweat shop and the bow was actually just some cheap fabric hiding the manufacturer mark.



Clearly the author of this entry has never met Setsuna, who has managed to Forrest Gump her way into nothing but situations she wasn’t prepared for even before she left home.



Hey, it’s that dagger I dropped a few thousand G only for it to become obsolete literally within minutes. Though granted, its obsolescence was due to...



This is it. We’ve reached the apex of weapon design for I Am Setsuna. It’s all downhill on a road of disappointment from here. But for now, we have the Walrus Dagger’s soft glow to comfort us.



Please stop wrapping swords in oversized bandages. It has at no point looked cool. In fact, bandages do not look cool on anything. Just stop. Look at Sonic Boom. Bandages everywhere for a sea of dipshit characters.



Hmm... Revival and body-enhancement effects by an unknown organization really into their research? Did Umbrella Incorporated buy stock in Cold Steel at some point?

...

Now this just makes me want to see a series of videos with portly Albert Wesker cutting up pig carcasses.



In the name of the moon, Kir will punish you. From the sidelines where mages belong in this game. Oh... wait... shit... Setsuna and Kir are the only people around to fill in Aeterna’s A-Team position. Ffffff—



A World Tree sounds like an important thing in a fantasy setting. So of course, it will never be mentioned beyond this stick they gave to Kir so he stopped using the barely circumventing copyright infringing Sailor Moon staff.



Ah yes. Another weapon used for all of about twenty minutes. It was literally obsolete in the same store that sold it!



At least I thought that... until I realized it had Water elemental and they made half the enemies in the next area immune to it (rad knight crabs don’t give a FUCK about water element damage.)





We’ve got a whole mess of Spritnite this chapter things to it lasting two and a half dungeons. Endir’s Life spell is useful in the rare cases someone is KO’d since it actually revives ‘em with like a third of their total HP. The item equivalent, Athenian Water, only revives characters with like 30 HP so they’re more likely than not to get instantly ganked again.



They just announced Parappa the Rappa HD while I was writing this update. Ever thought Chop Chop Onion Master was just kind of random as far as characters go? What if I told you he was a rap scallion. You’re welcome.



Kick. Punch. It’s all a pun.



Why does it cost more MP for Setsuna to ragdoll her body than for Endir to bring people back from the dead? Please explain the science behind that, Snow Chronicle.



The vacuum wave from sword pressure is also how I dust my PC periodically.



Some of these descriptions make me feel like they were going to let Spritnite be used freely between characters, more like Materia in FF7, instead of just making ‘em be suited for a solitary character.



I don’t think a single enemy has buffed itself significantly enough for this to be effective rather than just vigorous stabbing in the face.



Kir, you can summon a localized star to spawn in the dick of an enemy and I still probably wouldn’t use you. All this magic doesn’t matter when you’re still literally a small child who gets taken out by a single able bodied man kicking you in the head.



Telling ATB gauges to go fuck themselves should be a more accessible ability in JRPGs.



That would sound more sinister if we didn’t purchase it from a vendor hanging out getting his day drinking on at a rural pub.



I’ve said my piece with how this here element ain’t so useful. But that brings the Spritnite and Techs round-up to a close. Let’s move on to...





Ah yes. That Barren Plain with the small forest present. Fond memories were had there.



Folks used to gather here a ton! Oh-hoho.



Used to be hookers and blow for miles back in ye olden days. But that time has long since passed. Shame...



It’s full of bears with beehives for hands. I feel like that cannot be stated enough in the tour guide blurb. Bears with command and symbiosis with swarms of bees. Real dark shit up in this cave.



Shut up. Nobody calls it Death Mountain. It wasn’t even that impressive of a mountain! Come back and call me when a tribe of rock people live there or it turns out to be the corpse of a space parasite hedgehog.





We’ve got a couple new notes jotted down in the Locations index. Turns out the spatial distortions were magic frost. Cold magic is evidently purple, huh?



I kind of wish we got a look down into the canyon below The Last Lands. Or... you know... there was a proper world map to go “whoa doggie, a good chunk of the continent stopped existing!”





In any case, that’s a rap for Chapter 9. Tune in next time for Chapter 10: Lost Comrades. Y’know... Cuz we sort of lost a couple comrades. After our hope was shattered and past secrets were uncovered. Only four chapters remain!